Thursday, 31 December 2009

Im back :)

Hey gorgeous girls, im back! I've been gone from this blog for a while, but i've been reading yours. You've all been inspiring me. Stay strong beautiful ladies.

Things on the ana front have been hard for me.. im having to quickly type this before dad comes in the room.. he's looking after me as im unwell. Im agreeing to see my doctor as soon as i can, but if that means adding more medication which will have side effects of weight gain.. he can fuck off. i'd rather die. I've been having bad chest pain daily, so i know somethings up. I've not been sleeping well as its been hard to breathe, so im constantly tired, and im very washed out pale with dark circles under my eyes. Not that i care, i love the pale look.. I was always pale, then last year i tanned so much. But i LOVE really pale skin :) ftw!

I've been restricting again after a period where i couldnt get away with it. I was working in a nursing home, and doing long shifts with people around food was so difficult for me. However they started commenting on me not eating so i was rather annoyed. But thats over. thats in the past.

A few weeks back i was put on Pizotifen for migraines, i researched this online and a huge majority of people on it gain alot of weight... 1-2 stones a month or 2... im sorry but that is just not acceptable for me. Im NOT going to take it, i'm going to speak to them and try and get something else, my only other options are beta blockers or injections i administer myself when i get the headaches... so i will see what they say.. however i dont think i'l mention the weight gain as the issue.. they can cause extreme drousyness and i am going to say i just wasnt able to function properly because of being so drousy... hopefully they will listen- they know im studying health care and putting everything in that i can. So its not like i wont be paying back when the NHS employ me.

Im started a strength fast last night.. A strength fast is between 10 ana girls. Your allowed fluids to drink but thats it.. The one to last the longest is the strongest. I've had a cup of tea this morning. But some reason i cant distinguise the feeling in the pit of my stomach.. is it hunger? greed? pain? fat? i'm not quite sure. so i'l ignore it.
I got my dad to buy me 2 books... 'thin' and 'to die for' OMG haha... he didnt even notice at first that they were ana books. And when he realised i told him that they would be good for my psychology work... haha yeah right.
I've read a quater of thin this morning. Its so inspiring.

Keep strong beauties. Im back for good now. <3>